A priest and a cab driver went to heaven.

The priest was given fifty bags of gold and a nice house.

The cab driver was given the same but also a boat, a lake and a box of diamonds.

The priest asked St. Peter, "Hey I was a priest, how come I don't get a box of diamonds or a lake or a boat?"

St. Peter said, "We go by results. During your sermons people slept, during his cab rides people prayed."

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.

They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.

I woke up suddenly terrified, I'm late for work!

I opened my eyes and chilled... I'm at work.