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Funnyguy

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Member Since : Jan, 2016
# of jokes posted : 2
# of followers : 2
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 6.00
$6.00 won 6 votes

Three strings were standing outside of a bar, a bar that doesn't serve strings...

One string says to the other two strings: "I'm sure I can get served" and enters the bar, he walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a drink, the bartender looks up and asks: "Aren't you a string"? and the string replies: "yes". The bartender then says: "I'm sorry but we don't serve strings in this bar" ...so the string ducks his head and leaves the bar.

The other two strings waiting outside immediately asked what happened, the string tells them he didn't get served and wants to leave, the second string says: "I'm pretty certain I can get served, you just have to act cool", so he enters the bar, starts jamming to the music and dances up to the bar and says: "Bartender, give a cold brewsky"! The bartender looks up at him, sees he's a string and says: "sorry but we don't serve strings in this bar" ...so the string ducks his head and leaves the bar.
He tells the other two strings waiting outside that he couldn't get served and he too wants to go home... the third string who's certain he has what it takes to get served says: "You just have to act like you've been here before" and quickly goes inside...

The third string getting real loud as he works his way through the bar says: "hey Bob, hey Jill, good seeing you! Wow was the band ever rockin' last night, boy was I wasted!... Yo' bartender!!, give me the usual Jack-n-Coke!!!" The bartender looks up at him, sees he's a string and says: "Sorry pal but we don't serve strings in this bar" ...instantly the third string turns and ducks his head toward the door when he suddenly gets this bright idea, he quickly ties himself in a knot, messes up his hair, walks back up to bar and says: "Bartender give me that drink!" ...the bartender looks up at him and says: "Hey! Aren't you a string?" and the string says: "No!, I'm a frayed knot!"

6 votes

Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Funnyguy" |
2 votes

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

2 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Funnyguy" |