An elegant older lady is ushered into the most prestigious party at the country club. This is the first time out making an appearance since the wedding. Her new husband just happens to be the founder & president of the club.
When she came into view, there was a low hum among the other women as they gathered round full of questions, especially about the HUGE diamond on her finger. The madame tried to be nice about it all but was getting a little annoyed with all the busy bodies. She told them that the diamond was the Cloppman Diamond and it came with a curse.
Now the hum was getting louder as they wanted to know what the curse was.
She responded, matter of factly, "Mr. Cloppman!"
Two guys walking down the street talking. One says to the other, "I wish I had a million dollars."
The second guy says, "Oh, I'm working on my second million."
"Really?" asked the first guy, surprised.
"Yea, I gave up on the first million, didn't quite work out."
One morning Quackers the duck woke up & had a bad case of chapped lips, so he went to the local drug store & asked the pharmacist for some chap stick.
The pharmacist says, "That will cost you a dollar."
Quackers did't have any money but asked if he could, "Just put it on his bill?"
It was Sunday morning and Mom told little Tommy to get dressed for church. She told him it was time he dressed himself. She then went to get dressed. After she was done, she went to check on Tommy.
Little Tommy was taking a long time but he finally came out and asked his mom to help him with his tie.
He had all his good clothes on except his shirt. His shirt was one of his old shirts that was torn and tattered. She asked him, "Why did you choose that shirt to go to church?"
Tommy said, "It is the best shirt for church, because it is 'hole-y'!"