A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic.

A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."

"I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59."

"Why is that?"

"Because I like that one to one time.”

Jack: “I am a master of fast calculations.”

Jenny: “Okay, what is 758 times 642, divided by 5?”

Jack: “22!”

Jenny: “Ha-ha, that’s wrong!”

Jack: “I said I was fast, I didn't say anything about accurate!”