A hunter lost his bearings and wandered around the forest in a daze. Suddenly, he spotted another man. Dropping his rifle, he threw his arms around the other's neck and screamed, "Boy am I glad to see you! I've been lost in these woods for three days!"

"Restrain yourself," cautioned the other sadly, "I've been lost here for a week."

Pierre, a meek Parisian sculptor never created anything larger than a man's fist, so the art world was surprised when he unveiled an entire elephant in marble.

"But Pierre," said one of his many fans, "how could you sculpt such a perfect likeness without a model?"

"There was nothing to it," explained Pierre. "I simply chipped off everything that didn't look like an elephant."

Several definitions you will only find in my dictionary:

Acoustic - what you use when you shoot pool
Alimony - the fee a woman charges when she loses your name
Banjo - don't invite Joseph
Caddy - lad who stands behind a golfer and doesn't see the ball either
Carbuncle - auto collision

A young miss was pacing through her living room waiting for her new beau to arrive. Just then a young man driving a brand new red Corvette was parking in front of the house.

The girl's father glanced out the window at the same time. His chin dropped two feet and his pupils doubled in size. He turned to his daughter and asked, "What does your boyfriend do?"

She replied, "He inherits."