Air Force Approach: "Eagle 13, turn right to 330."
Eagle 13: "Roger 330."
App: "Eagle 13, I've been working since last night, will you do me a favor?"
Eagle 13: "Affirmative, go ahead."
App: "Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with a yellow roof near the lake. That is my house. I had a fight with my Wife. I think we made peace but I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley. Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?"
Eagle 13: "Negative sir. Instead, I can see a Ryder's truck."
A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist's desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"
"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."
"I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.
"I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."
One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's."
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember.
"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough."
"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.
"Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband.
"It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual thirty dollar's worth."