A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,653 trees.
“How do you know exactly how many?” I inquired.
“Easy. I keep a log.”
Job Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Me: "I would say my biggest weakness is listening."
Cop: "Seen anything unusual?"
Me: "A dolphin with a hat, once."
Cop: "I mean around here."
Me: "Nah - they live in water."
What's E.T. short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship.