On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Second violation will be a $60 fine. Third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

Three engineering firms were competitively bidding on Red-Sea tunnel project for the government of Egypt. The first engineer stands before the board and begins describing how he will accomplish the task. He says, "We will begin boring from both sides of the sea and join the tubes in the middle. Our plan has 10% margin of error for missing the center point but we have B-plan ready to rectify the error and finish the tunnel."

Second engineer comes in and describes his plan. "We will begin boring on both ends and meet in the middle. Our calculations may have 5% margin of error and our plan B is ready to rectify and connect the tunnel if needed."

Third engineer begins his presentation and says, "We will begin boring on both ends of the sea and meet in the middle. If successful, we'll connect the tubes and you'll have your tunnel. If we are not, then you'll have two tunnels."

Two men are in a truck driving around with a penguin. Noticing the penguin, a traffic cop stops the truck driver and tells him to take this animal to a zoo right away. The next day, the same cop sees the same two men in the same truck with the same penguin again.

He stops them and says, "Didn't I tell you guys to take this animal to a zoo yesterday?"

The driver replies, "We did officer! We are taking him to the movies today."

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he walks towards the heaven, he passes by the hell. His curiosity gets better of him and he peeks inside and sees people laughing, singing, a band playing heartily and people are all dancing. He thinks to himself, "If hell is this lively, I cannot wait to see what heaven looks like."

He proceeds and walks into heaven. Heaven is all quiet, serene, birds chirping, flowers blooming, sun is shining. He looks around and sees a man sitting leisurely under a tree. He walks up to him and says, "I just peeped into hell and there everyone was laughing, singing, dancing and they even had a band playing great music. In contrast, it's so quiet in here. The man sitting says, "What did you think? Should we have hired a band here too just for one person?"