USA Today:
WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal:
DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

Microsoft Systems Journal:
APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Sports Illustrated:
GAME OVER

Wired:
THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone:
THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest:
'BYE

Discover Magazine:
HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide:
DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal:
LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

Inc. magazine:
TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

The student asked the professor how many problems there would be on the final exam.

The professor looked the student over and replied, "I think you will have lots of problems on the final."

It is a scientific fact...

That your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Dave lost his wife's audiobook...

And now he'll never hear the end of it.