misc jokes

A doctor traveling by car along a country road collides with an attorney who happens to be driving in the opposite direction. The attorney, seeing that the doctor is a bit shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink of Scotch from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, took a long drink and hands the flask back to the attorney, who closes it and puts it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.
The attorney replies, "Sure — as soon as the police leave."

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

A ventriloquist is working in a small rural town and during his show a local stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-aleck remarks about us small-town folk being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid, ya know!" "Relax" said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!" "I'm not talking to you, sir!" The rube replied, "I'm talking to that little fella sitting on your knee!"