national jokes

2 Irish Divers investigating the Sunken Titanic.................
Were really surprised to see the swimming pool was still full ;-)

I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so "Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't."

Irish Saw mill Accident....
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local saw mill.

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.
Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

The very next day he's back at work in the sawmill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to the Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily, Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to the hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated".

An Israeli author was searching for a book store that would allow him to schedule a booksigning to promote his new novel. Book store after book store refused him with one disapproving commment after the other. Finally, the author seized on the idea that he should contact the specialty stores for his proposed booksigning. He had the idea to contact a feminist book store and his call was screened by the store's assistant manager. Upon insistence, by the author, that he speak directly with the manager; an angry manager took the phone to explain why the author was being refused a booksigning. "IT'S BECAUSE THE HEBREW WORD FOR: SHE!....IS: HE!" And with those words the author heard a telephone being slammed down loudly, in his ear.