sport jokes

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear, “Do you want to live with papa bear?”

The baby bear replied, "No, he beats me."

The judge asked, "So do you want to live with mommy bear?"

The baby bear said, "No, she beats me too."

The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"

The baby bear says, "With the Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone."

A man takes his son tiger hunting. They’re creeping through the weeds and the man says, “Son, this hunt marks your passage into manhood. Do you have any questions? And the boy says, “Yes, if the tiger kills you, how do I get home?”

“May I go swimming, Mommy?”
“No, you may not. There are sharks here.”
“But Daddy’s swimming.”
“He’s insured.”

My bother is a professional boxer.”
“Heavyweight?”
“No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death.”