One evening I was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to me and asked me for two dollars.

First I asked him, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum replied, "No."

Then I asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

After giving the bum the two dollars that he had asked for, I asked the bum, "Now, will you come home with me, so that my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"