Best Jokes

The fellow walked into a bar he had never been in before and ordered a drink. He then asked the bartender if he enjoyed dumb-jock jokes. The beefy attendant leaned over the bar and fixed a withering glare on his customer. "Listen, buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on the left? They're professional football players. And that huge fellow on your right is a world-class wrestler. That guy in the corner is a champion weight-lifter. And I lettered in three sports at Notre Dame. Now," he continued, "are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your dumb-jock joke here?" "Nah, I guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

A tourist and his trail guide were walking along a path when all of a sudden the guide runs up the hillside to a cave, yells "Wooo wooo," listens for a moment, and goes charging into the cave, stripping off his clothes on the run. He returns in about 15 minutes. The same scenario occurs again, after which the tourist asks about this strange behavior. The guide explains that if one of the young ladies of his town is in an amorous mood, she goes into a dark cave. If she hears "Wooo wooo," she responds "Wooo wooo" to signal that she is ready and willing. No one knows who is who and everyone is happy.
The tourist is amazed and asks if he might partake in this local custom at the next cave. The guide doesn’t see any problem with this. At the next cave the tourist runs to the entrance and calls out "Wooo wooo." To his delight, he hears a sonorous and enticing "Wooo wooo" sung back to him from the recesses of the cave. He takes off his clothes, rushes headlong into the cave, and gets run over by a train.

A tourist and his trail guide were walking along a path when all of a sudden the guide runs up the hillside to a cave, yells "Wooo wooo," listens for a moment, and goes charging into the cave, stripping off his clothes on the run. He returns in about 15 minutes. The same scenario occurs again, after which the tourist asks about this strange behavior. The guide explains that if one of the young ladies of his town is in an amorous mood, she goes into a dark cave. If she hears "Wooo wooo," she responds "Wooo wooo" to signal that she is ready and willing. No one knows who is who and everyone is happy.
The tourist is amazed and asks if he might partake in this local custom at the next cave. The guide doesn’t see any problem with this. At the next cave the tourist runs to the entrance and calls out "Wooo wooo." To his delight, he hears a sonorous and enticing "Wooo wooo" sung back to him from the recesses of the cave. He takes off his clothes, rushes headlong into the cave, and gets run over by a train.

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"