Latest Jokes

After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her.
He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes.
On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan.
The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The pastor sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. Can you please pay me?
Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. How much do I owe you?
The pastor thinks quickly and replies, pay me according to your wife's beauty.
The young man discretely pulled out five dollars and gave it to the pastor.
Although annoyed by this, the pastor continues the ceremony and says; you may now kiss the bride. At this point the veil is lifted from the brides face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride the pastor interrupts and promptly hand the groom four dollars and fifty cents.

Grandpa: boy, how many miles do you walk to school?
Boy: about a half mile.
Grandpa: when I was your age I walked eight miles to school every day. Boy, what are your grades like?
Boy: they are mostly B's.
Grandpa: when I was your age I got all A's. Boy, have you ever gotten into a fight?
Boy: only two times and the boy beat me up.
Grandpa: When I was your age I was in a fight every day. Boy, how old are you?
Boy: 9 years old.
Grandpa: when I was your age I was 11

A man rushed into a doctor's office, jumped on the doctor's back, and started screaming, "One! Two! Three! Four!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled the doctor, trying to get free. “What do you think you're doing?"

The man said, "Well doctor, they did say I could count on you!"

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies; "I did, they were in your tackle box."