Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America. As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulders. The Customs officer asked him what did he have in the sacks. Paddy replied Mobile phones.
The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough each contained quite a few phones. "What are you going to do with all these phones?" asked the officer.
"Oh, they are not for me. My friend, who is a musical director, knew I was going over to America. He asked me to bring him back a 'couple of saxaphones.'"
Mick and Paddy were working on the building site and stopped to have lunch. They sat on the 3rd floor veranda to eat their sandwiches. Paddy opened his lunch box and said, "I hate egg sandwiches." He then got up and threw them off the site onto the concrete below.
Next day, the same thing happened. He looked at his lunch box and said, "I hate egg sandwiches" and threw them over on to the concrete. The third day was similar, so he threw himself over on to the concrete.
Mick sent for an ambulance , to take him to hospital and then went to see Paddy's wife. He said, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but Paddy has been taken to hospital."
Paddy's wife said, "What happened?"
"I think it was your fault."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, he said he hated egg sandwiches and threw himself off the balcony on to the concrete."
His wife said, "Well don't blame me, he makes his own sandwiches!"
A new Priest arrived in a small town and was trying to find the local church.
He spotted Little Johnny playing in the street and said "could you help me please"
Could you tell me where the local church is?
Little Johnny said, "sure, if you go down the street to the 2nd crossing, then turn right, go about another 200 metres and turn left at the next turning and you will find the church about 200 metres on the left side of the road"
Thank you said the priest and if you come to church on Sunday, I will help you find God.
No chance said Johnny, if you could find the church, what chance have you got in finding God???