Two men were strolling past a church when one commented to his friend, "Aren't the church bells lovely?"
The friend said he didn't make out what was said so the first man repeated, "Aren't those chimes beautiful?"
Again, his friend exclaimed he couldn't make out what was said so the first man repeated louder, "The bells, the bells, aren't they beautiful!"
The second man looked at him and said, "Sorry, I can't make out what you're saying because of those lousy bells!"
Teacher: What did Napoleon do?
Child: He pulled his bone apart!
A lady goes into a butcher shop. She says to the butcher, "can I have a pound of kiddlelees?"
The butcher looks at her and says, "you mean kidneys don't you?"
The lady looks at him and replies, "I said kiddlelees diddle I?"
A lady goes up to a railroad ticket window and says to the agent, "twotoDeluth."
The agent looks back at her and replies, "tweetdiddleleet, where do you want to go lady"?