My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.
One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us."
There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, "Honey, it's for you... someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."
Two weeks after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to view the pictures on a color monitor.
The photographer started describing the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he spoke so quickly that I couldn't get a word in as he pressed home his sales pitch.
Finally, after we'd seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in.
"None," I replied. "This isn't my child."
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
The pastor had been warned about a parishioner who was a fast reader.
"We shall now read the Twenty-third Psalm in unison," he announced. "Will the lady who is always by 'the still waters' while the rest of us are in 'green pastures', please pause until we catch up."