A tourist is visiting a big metropolitan city when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood.
About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk.
He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!"
"Okay," the man says, "you take the front and I'll take the back."
An elderly woman walks into the butcher shop and shouts at the butcher, "That leg of lamb you sold me last week shrunk by six inches when I cooked it!"
"That's funny," said the butcher, "my wife knitted me a jumper, and when I washed it, it shrunk by six inches."
"Must have been from the same sheep."
After a long day of shopping, my daughter and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my daughter there waiting for me.
"Honey," I said, "what are you doing in here? I left the motor running."
"It's all right, Mom," she replied reassuringly. "I locked the doors."
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Bexfield diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.