A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver dropped his client at a mall before he filled up the tank.
The cat remained in the car, laying down on top of the limousine's back seat. The service station's attendant glanced at the unusual passenger.
Finally, he asked, "Sir, is that cat someone important?"
A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They decided to run a study, hired a few additional sociologists and other specialists, moved to town, rented offices and began designing their questionnaires and such.
While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local diner. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and told the waitress what his purpose was in town. He then asked her if she had any idea why the birth rate was so high.
"Sure," said the waitress. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and sounds its horn. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband. He thinks he's a refrigerator!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."
"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."
A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk to the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."