I hate it when I think I'm buying organic vegetables, but when I get home they're just regular donuts. That's why I now only buy carrot cake donuts, so I can eat healthy.

The Creation of the PC

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte.
And from those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be,
so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and
compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet.
But God created programs; small and big... And told them:
Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said - I will create the Programmer;
And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers
and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that
would look up at the Programmer, and admire the Programmer, and love the
things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it
was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any
programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program
and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you
did not even try?
The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God.
You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use.
And the User saw that any knowledge was useless since Windows could
replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer;
and said to the Programmer that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for?
And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS.
And God said - Who told you that you need drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures.
And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell
Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to
use lousy programs;
and you will always rely on the Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User
you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will
have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Three?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"Oh no," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates interrupted, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"Well it....no, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife.

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk and slams him against a tree half a dozen times, leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"