A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital. "How are you grandpa? he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of
bed."

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.

"Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.

And this one's even better because it locks..."

Bo tells Jed, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go."

"Well, what are you going to do, then?" Jed asks.

"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant."

"Yeah," Jed agrees.

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again."

"I remember," Jed says.

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

"So," Jed asks, "what you gonna do this year that's different?"

"Well," Bo replies, "this year I'm taking Earlene with me."

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.

If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just:

* sits in your living room,
* messes up your stuff,
* eats your food,
* uses your telephone,
* takes your money,
* and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place...

You either married it or gave birth to it?