A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man turned and looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
A Sunday school teacher asked little Susie, "Who's your favorite person in the Bible?"
Susie said, "King Solomon."
"Can you tell us why?"
"Because he was so nice to ladies and to animals."
"What do you mean?"
"He had six hundred wives and three hundred porcupines."
Two men are out fishing and they are having great luck. They are catching so fast, they have to go back early.
"This is so great," says the first guy. "We should mark the spot so we can come here again."
"You're right," replies the other guy who then dives over the side and paints a big X on the bottom of the boat.
They head back to shore and just as they're about to dock, the first guy looks at the second and asks, "But what if we don't get the same boat next time?"
A 4 year old boy was asked to give thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"