"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"
Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."
"That's okay," replied Little Johnny. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
A homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, as a bonus, here's an extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. "What's the matter," asked the homeowner, "did you forget something?"
"No," replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
"For heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined.
"What?" Chris replied.
"Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!"
"I'm sorry, honey," Chris said.
"Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed.
"Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."
One day a man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of water. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the man by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?"
The man said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?"
The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?"
The man replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will."
The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the man left. About three months later the man came back to the same bar. He ordered another glass of water, drank half of it, and poured the rest on the bartender.
The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!"
The man replied, "I did, and it worked out great! Now I don't feel ashamed at all!"