A businessman is walking along the street dragging one foot, and he bumps into another guy also dragging a foot.

"What happened to you?" asked the business man.

"Iraq, 2003. What about you?" asks the other guy.

"Dog poop, two blocks back."

Paddy hates his wife's cat so much he drives it to the next town and dumps it there. When he gets home, the cat was there.

The next day he drives it 50 miles out and leaves it. When he gets home, it's there again. So the next day he drives it to the other side of the county, some 150 miles away, and tries again.

Six hours later he calls his wife and asks, "IS THAT DARN CAT HOME?"

"Yes, why?" asks the wife.

Paddy says, "PUT THE DARN CAT ON THE PHONE, I'M LOST!!!"

My little sister broke my lamp...

I won't be able to see her in the same light ever again.