Our local ice cream store likes to be creative with new names for flavors, but i think they have gone to far with their latest... Chocolate Chip Chipotle.

I can always tell when my wife goes on a diet...

I find Hostess Twinkies in her underwear drawer.

My three hundred plus pound of a grandfather loves to do karaoke. One night he was really into some heavy metal rock and roll song, even doing an air guitar routine.

Well, after he was done a young fellow came up to him and said, "You are a hip old dude!"

My grandfather snapped back, "Who you callin' a hippo - dude?!?!"

My wife had mentioned several times that she hoped I could get our grass mowed this weekend. Well, I procrastinated a bit too long and while I was watching football on TV, there was a 37 yard pass with a spectacular catch for a go ahead touchdown.

I jumped up and shouted, "Oh my GOSH! Did you see that?!?!"

And my wife said, "Yes, I see... what a lovely lawn they have."