Mary Profile

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Mary

User Details

Member Since : Oct, 2016
# of jokes posted : 59
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 873.00
$9.00 won 4 votes

My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter.

"So, Katie," said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, "who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?"

Katie replied, "I think it’s my Uncle Brian."

4 votes

CATEGORY Holiday Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Mary" |
$6.00 won 3 votes

My wife and I were having a very hypothetical discussion... In the unlikely event that Hollywood made a movie based on our lives, we wondered what stars would play us.

"Who would you pick to portray you?" she asked me.

I thought about it for a minute, then answered, "George Clooney."

"In that case," she said, "I’ll play myself."

3 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 9th Place won $6.00
posted by "Mary" |
$9.00 won 4 votes

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm.

Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.

"It’s the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner’s ready."

4 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "Mary" |
$25.00 won 5 votes

My daughter had absentmindedly left her sneakers on our kitchen table. "That’s disgusting," my husband grumbled. "Doesn’t she realize we eat off that table?"

Then he went out back to work on the car. I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery shopping.

When I came home I couldn’t set my bags down anywhere. Sitting in the middle of the kitchen table was a car muffler.

5 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Mary" |