Mary Profile

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Mary

User Details

Member Since : Oct, 2016
# of jokes posted : 19
# of followers : 2
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 1
Location: United States
won: $ 299.00
$15.00 won 18 votes

I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time.

“Can’t you live within your income?” asked the judge.

“No, Your Honor,” she said. “It’s all I can do to live within my credit!”

18 votes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Mary" |
$50.00 won 21 votes

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment... an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.

“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

21 votes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Mary" |
$50.00 won 21 votes

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?”

“No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”

“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

21 votes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Mary" |
$10.00 won 16 votes

Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to 
my 96-year-old uncle, “She’s so 
stubborn.”

He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have trouble with her when she gets old.”

16 votes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Mary" |