If athletes get athlete’s foot...

Then do astronauts get mistletoe?

If your name is on the building, you’re rich...

If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...

If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you’ll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn’t put the money in there."

"I did promise him I would," the widow answers. "So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment.

Handing me his camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”