Harry Finkelstein Profile

Image
 

Harry Finkelstein

User Details

Member Since : Jan, 2017
# of jokes posted : 2458
# of followers : 8
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 461.00
3 votes

My neighbor’s wife came running up to me in the driveway the other day just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me what you’re so happy about.”

She stopped jumping just long enough to tell me that she was pregnant. I was happy for her. I know they have been trying for a long time. I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said “Oh, there’s more!”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we’re not having just ONE baby. We’re going to have TWINS!”

Amazed that she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked how she knew this.

She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the Twin-Pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”

3 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
$5.00 won 4 votes
 

Only in America ......

Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
4 votes

Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him: "Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies, ”If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."

They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."

He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some.

"Nope. Still salty."

30 minutes later, he asks him to check again.

"Nope, still salty."

One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."

"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"

"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"

4 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
4 votes

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

4 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |