A man is applying for a job in a circus. The interviewer asks: "So what can you do?"

"I can do a really good bird impression" replied the man

"Oh we already have people who do that here, we won't be needing you for that"

"Oh well," the man said sadly and flew away.

I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early, I'm going to be a father!"

"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off!"

When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk, "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I dunno, I'll tell you in 9 months."

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs £1.50.

A chicken pie in Trinidad costs £1.75.

A chicken pie in St Kitts costs £2.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean!

I went into my local bookstore and asked for a book on turtles.

"Hardback?" the assistant asked.

"Yes," I replied, “with little heads too.”