What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?

Can you please be more Pacific!

How do vampires start their letters?

"Tomb it may concern..."

What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

"I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions."

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children."

St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives."

St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."

St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But... you can only stay for three days. After that, you got to go!"