A woman is paying for some purchases at Macy’s. As she reaches for her card, a TV remote control falls out of her purse. The sales clerk asks, “Do you always carry your TV remote?” “No.” the woman says, “But my husband refused to come shopping with me today. I figured this was a great way to pay him back.”

A woman is a complicated creature. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.