A woman is paying for some purchases at Macy’s. As she reaches for her card, a TV remote control falls out of her purse. The sales clerk asks, “Do you always carry your TV remote?” “No.” the woman says, “But my husband refused to come shopping with me today. I figured this was a great way to pay him back.”

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

A woman is a complicated creature. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

A man walks into a piano store and says, "I would like to buy a hairy piano." Perplexed, the sales clerk asked, "Why do you want a hairy piano?!" Nonchalantly, the customer responded, "Well, the last piano store only had Baldwins."