You know your doctor is too old when you look at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!

An aspiring actor calls his agent from the set of his first film. He is playing the lead role for the first time in his career. “How’s it going?” the agent asks. “It’s amazing!” the actor gushes. “The director told me that my performance is making him consider two films with me.” “Two?” he agent replies. “Yeah,” the actor says, “my first and my last.”

A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive. There’s no water in that pool.” “That’s all right,” said the man. “I can’t swim.”

Two truck drivers came to a low bridge. The clearance sign said 10 feet 8 inches. When they got out and measured their truck, they discovered their vehicle was eleven feet. The first man looked at the other and said, “I can’t see any cops around. Let’s go for it!”