A gentleman enters a restaurant and asks the waitress what was on special. She replied, "Today we have lobster tales for 50 cents."

He said, "I'll take a dozen!"

She told him since it was a special he would have to pay in advance which he did. Then she said, "Are you ready for your first tale?"

He assured her he couldn't wait. Then she began... "Once upon a time there was this little lobster....."

A successful businessman wanted to send his elderly mother a very special gift for her birthday, a rare South American endangered bird valued at $5,000.

When he called his mother to see how she liked the surprise gift he was shocked when she said, "It was quite small, but tasted very good."

He asked her, after her shocking reply, "Mom, that was a $5000 bird that can speak five languages and you ate him?"

"Well, if he could speak five languages he should have spoken up."

A man was finally rescued, after having been on a deserted island for 10 years. The first question he was asked was why there were three huts on the island if he was alone.

He replied, "The first one is my home, the second is my church and the third is the church I used to attend."

After finishing the 'cured ham' dinner, Mable asked her husband, "I wonder what the ham was cured of?"