Mary Profile

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Mary

User Details

Member Since : Oct, 2016
# of jokes posted : 59
# of followers : 3
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 2
Location: United States
won: $ 867.00
$15.00 won 2 votes

I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered.

When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids."

2 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Mary" |
$12.00 won 18 votes

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you’ll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn’t put the money in there."

"I did promise him I would," the widow answers. "So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

18 votes

CATEGORY Money Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "Mary" |
$10.00 won 3 votes

Preparing my son for his first day of kindergarten, we were reviewing numbers and counting. Suddenly he asked, "What is the biggest number in the world?"

As briefly as possible, I tried to explain the concept of infinity. I thought I had done pretty well, but then he said, "Dad, what number comes just before infinity?"

3 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Mary" |
$15.00 won 7 votes
 

My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.

Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.

She looked at me bewildered and replied, "But I didn’t order milk."

7 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Mary" |