Picked up a hitchhiker the other night and he asked me, "How did you know I was not a serial killer?"

I replied, "The chances of two serial killers in the same car are astronomical."

As I get older I realized....

I talk to myself, because there are times I need expert advice.

Little Anne came running into the house after the school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got 100 in school today!"

"That's great sweetheart!" said her daddy.

"Come into the living room and tell me about it," daddy continued.

Little Anne said, "Well, I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math and 20 in science."

Daughter: "Mom, are you gaining some weights?"

Mother: "Hon, it's because your dad always makes me angry. When I am mad, I eat a lot."

Daughter: "No wonder dad is bigger."