Salesman: "Madam, do you want this powder?"

Housewife: "For what?"

Salesman: "For ants."

Housewife: "No. If I give powder today, they will ask for lipstick tomorrow."

Master: That shirt looks soiled, didn't you wash it?

Servant: I did! But while i was taking it to the shop for ironing i dropped it on the ground!

Master: You will have to wash it again!

Servant: Again, Sir?

Master: I'm a stickler for cleanliness. So anything that falls on the ground has to be washed with soap and water.

Servant: I'll remember that.

The next morning...

Servant: Sir, here is your newspaper.

Master: Yes! But why is it soaking wet, You idiot?

Servant: While i was bringing it to you i dropped it on the ground.... But I remembered your instructions and washed it thoroughly with soap and water.

Friend 1: Let's go for a movie.

Friend 2: I've got a doctor's appointment today.

Friend 1: Just cancel it, tell him you're sick.

Teacher: What is a synonym?

Student: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other!