Best Jokes

Jim happened to bump into is friend Greg at the tennis club. “So, Jim said, “How’s it working out with that shrink I recommended.” “Great,” Greg said. “I mean, when I started, I was the most arrogant, self-impressed egomaniac on God’s green earth.” Now, he shrugged, “you couldn’t ask to meet a more terrific guy than me.”

When the rod in her closet fell from the weight of her clothes Sally decided to donate some. While gathering the garments she no longer wore, she checked the pockets in one coat and found a ticket for shoes she’d brought in for repairs nearly four years before. “So that’s what happened to those,” she muttered. Later that day after dropping off the clothes, she decided to see if the repairman still had the shoes. After studying the ticket, the man said. “I’m sorry, but those won’t be ready until Friday.”

Running into the house after school Tommy said to his mother, “Mom! Isn’t an ox a kind of a bull?”

“Yes, she replied.

“And doesn’t equine have something to do with horses?”

“That’s right,” she said.

Running out of the house, Tommy said, “I’ll see you later!”

“Why? Where are you going?” asked his mother.

“To some other town, I just heard in school that the equinox is coming and I don’t wanna be around when it gets here!”

The lion tamer led his young apprentice into the cage. “The first thing to remember,” said the older man, “is that if a lion jumps at you, throw something at it.”
“And what do I do if there’s nothing to throw?”
The lion tamer said, “If a lion jumps at you __ there will be.”