Latest Jokes

It was Loomis’s day to walk about the grounds of the asylum. Pausing by the fence, he looked into the fields of the farmer next door.
“Hey,” he yelled, “what the heck are you doing?”
“Spreading fertilizer on the strawberries,” replied the farmer.
Shaking his head, Loomis says, “Fella, you ought to have dessert here some time.
“We eat them with cream and sugar.”

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?” “Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”

After spending all day putting in a new cement walk, Mr. Sullivan was horrified to see his kids using sticks to write their names in it. After screaming viciously at the kids, he came back inside, only to find his wife scowling. “How could you do that?” she asked.
“It’s just a walkway, and – don’t you love your kids?” Her husband said, “In the abstract, yes. But not in the concrete.”

After years in the work force, someone finally concluded that an employer is someone who’s late when you’re early and early when you’re late.