Latest Jokes

This administration has conclusively discovered how to deal wit the deficit.
It’s a skill, which requires addition and distraction.

Tired of having to balance his wife Lucy’s checkbook, Bob made a deal with her; he would only look at it after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape. Only then would he lend his expertise.
The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, the woman said proudly, “There! I’ve done it! I made it balance!”
Impressed, Bob came over to take a look.
“Let’s see … mortgage 550.00…electricity 70.50…phone 35.00.” His brow wrinkled
as he read the last entry. “It says here ESP, 615.00. What the heck is that?”
“Oh,” she said, “That means, Error Some Place.”

After suffering through years of his wife’s awful coffee, the man spit it out and took the coffee maker to his lawyer. Dropping it on the attorney’s desk, the man snarled, “Here they are!”

“Here are what?” the startled lawyer asked.

“Grounds for divorce.”

After being arrested for robbery, Quinn hired the best lawyer in town.
“Look,” the crook said, “I’ve got nearly a million in cash in my bank box.
Can you get me off?”
The lawyer said, “Believe me, pal, you will never go to prison with that kind of money.”
And sure enough, he did not. He went to prison flat broke.