I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said, "Well, there goes your advertising claim."

He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"

"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.

"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"

I said, "Okay then, what do I owe you?"

His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."

"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.

His answer... "The advice I just gave you."