Do not keep roasted peanuts in transparent jar, they disappear fast.
But if you keep roasted cashews in transparent jar next to peanut jar, the peanuts last longer.
However, if you add third element... let's say a nearby liquor bottle... then all will disappear in no time!
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight. He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one against a wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing, "You are the reason I fight with my wife!"
He smashed the second bottle, "You are the reason I don't love my children!"
He smashed the third bottle, "You are the reason I don't have a decent job!"
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and then said, "You stand aside, I know you were not involved."
Men will be men.
Two men, an American and an Indian were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a lot of family problems.
The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love. I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.And you say you have family problems.
The Indian fainted........!
Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.
Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."
Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.
Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.
Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.
Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has own personal workstation.
Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.
Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.
Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm.
Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night.
Senior: Calls Domino's every other night.
Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors.
Senior: Is appalled that the campus 'Subway' burned down over the summer.
Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night.
Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus.
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house.
Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room.
Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.