A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
On a ship, the Project Managers of three different companies belonging to three different nations were traveling with their trainee engineers. They started an argument on whose trainee engineers had more guts.
The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take a swim around the moving ship. The trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted and said, “See the guts!”
Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to swim two laps around the moving ship. The trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, “See the guts!”
Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to swim five laps around the ship. The trainee promptly replied, ”Why the heck should I?”
The Indian PM proudly said, “See the guts!”
Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked Sardar why he kept painting less each day?
He replied, “I just can’t do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can.”
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”
The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount.”