Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.

The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. "It was the darndest thing... it was the darndest thing," she kept repeating dazedly.

"What was the darndest thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.

"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath and all I did was pull the plug and the whole house suddenly drained away."

A lawyer returns to the parking lot to find his sports car with the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end.

There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper: "Sorry, I just backed into your car. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and phone number. But I'm not."

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep.He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!"

Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...

10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any floaties, ie... backwash.

9. To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that, "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8. Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7. A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as I put a razor to my ankle.

6. A full time cleaning person - period!

5. For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4. A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/toys displayed at the checkout line.

3. To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2. To be able to step on a plane with my toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no! Why me!"

And #1... Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison