An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own cell phone and took it with him to play golf.

The boss called and asked how everything was going and the employee said fine.

The boss then said, "Move a little faster then, will you, I'm in the foursome behind you."

After officiating at a baptism the priest was invited back to the parents home for tea and cake. He changed out of his vestments and went to the home where one little 4-year old boy kept staring at his white collar.

The priest finally said to the little boy, "Do you know what the white collar means that I am wearing?"

"Yes I do.", the little boy said.

"It means that you won't have flees or ticks for three months."

An elderly couple living in Florida had not seen their son and daughter for quite a while. The mom called the daughter living in New York and told her that mom and pop were going to get a divorce right after Christmas because they couldn't get along after 35 years of marriage

The daughter called her brother in New Jersey with the news and the brother then called his dad saying do not do anything sis and I will be up to talk to you before Christmas.

After hanging up the old man yelled out to his wife. "Great news the kids are coming for Christmas and they are paying their own way."

A young blonde goes to the doctor and says I hurt all over. The doctor says point to where you hurt.

She points to her elbow and says "OW!"

Then points to her head and says "OW" and then finally points to her leg and says "OW!"

The doctor says I have it figured out you have a broken finger.