Nurse: "How old are you?"
Patient: "None of your business."
Nurse: "But the doctor must know your age for his records. Please, just tell me, I'm going to find it out anyway."
Patient: "Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?"
Nurse: "Yes. Fifty."
Patient: "All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?"
Patient: "Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age."
A guy walks into a restaurant with a small dog. The waiter says, "Sir, I'm very sorry, but we don't allow dogs in here."
The guy replies, "But this isn't just any dog ... this dog can play the piano!"
The waiter responds, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay and have a meal on the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart ... and the waiter and patrons are enjoying the music. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The waiter asks the guy, "What was that all about?"
The guy says, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."