The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off as an office clerk, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this, my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."
A small boy turned to his Aunt Mildred and said, "Wow, you're not pretty!"
His mother overheard the remark and was appalled. She took him aside and gave him a real telling-off before ordering him to go back out to say sorry to Aunt Mildred.
Suitably chastened, the boy went over and said quietly, "Aunt Mildred, I'm sorry you're not pretty."
Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul, a banker, says to Morty, "Listen, Morty, I should probably tell you, I don't swim so well."
Morty, who worked as a lifeguard when he was younger, begins tugging and pulling on Saul, helping him float towards shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks, "Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul looks at Morty and then replies, "This is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"