A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.
The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!"
The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."
A man went to New York on a business trip. When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man's expense, so he asked, "My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?"
The passenger had no idea. The driver replied, "The third one was ME!"
The man went home to his wife and said to her, "Hey honey, here's a riddle for you. My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third one?"
His wife was stumped and said, "I don't know, who?"
The man responded, "Believe it or not, some cab driver in New York."
Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul, a banker, says to Morty, "Listen, Morty, I should probably tell you, I don't swim so well."
Morty, who worked as a lifeguard when he was younger, begins tugging and pulling on Saul, helping him float towards shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks, "Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul looks at Morty and then replies, "This is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"
With his wife out for the evening, a father was trying to watch TV, but his young son kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.
After the seventh glass, the father lost his temper and yelled, "Go to sleep, I'm watching TV."
"But Dad," he protested, "my room is still on fire!"